so i am trudging on.

been very physically tired and also unwell. cough that has stopped after 1 month has now come back with the second bout of flu. and the cough's been preventing me from sleeping well at nite, so i end up tired every morn. not to mention that work has been draining emotionally, physically and mentally. i come home every nite not wanting to touch my comp cos i'm so sick of it. of course there's the nagging feeling of being incompetent at watever tasks appointed..

then weekends come and go faster than the weekdays do. i've just managed to catch my breath, then the whole cycle starts again. of course i haven't settled down to do the stuff i'm supposed to do during weekends (i.e. thesis admin stuff like ethics report, summary to be sent out to organizations etc etc)..

i guess i'm at the point where i'm not able to handle so many things as before. the stress of living is getting harder to deal with. i'm praying for God to handle my deepest emotions and for a purpose. i know the model answer to the purpose of believers, but the model answer is just too cognitive. i want something concrete, a word from Him telling me why i am where i am now and why i have to endure wat i'm enduring and why i am doing wat i'm doing. to be exact, why the heck am i stuck in this lousy and unappreciative place and just wat the heck am i suppose to do with my work now. haven't heard much yet, guess i just hafta keep praying and waiting. and also to exercise faith. on the flip side, might also be good for me cos i know i'm a very 'experience-based' person, typical charismatic christian. but this may be a time for me to trust despite not 'feeling'.

tmr a brand new work week starts again. a stressful work week that's got me feeling stressed this evening already. but i need to carry on. hafta meet all of those stress head on, cos no one else can walk this journey for me. i've always believed that you need to walk your own path. even though ppl may be around you and supporting you morally, you will still have to meet your challenges yourself. no easy way out. just grit your teeth and get thru it.

it's officially monday. you can do it girl.