caution: psych content

allow me to indulge in my psychology stuff here.

my schema was activated recently, causing me to behave irrationally. it's not the usual me. the situation's not even mine. but the schema's still activated. i always thot i am ok and tat my bkgrd won't really affect me too much. but it does. unknowingly or subconsciously, it does. the degree to which the schema affected me was almost overwhelming. i couldn't control my emotions at all. in actual fact, i was shocked by myself too.

i guess no one will truly understand how it feels to be me. in fact, no one can truly understand how it feels like to be another person.

you might see my irrational behaviour as distrust, but frm my perspective, it's not distrust. it's my deepest fear hijacking my rationality. a fear that arises from generational patterns, from a world that would have been shattered if not for the saving grace of God.

i can now understand why my previous supervisor said that emotions will hijack one's mind when a crisis occurs. he's so wise! and that's why the psych techniques are so vital in bringing down a person's emotional reaction before the thoughts can be worked on. i wonder when i will ever be able to use those techniques effectively.. esp when working with clients. hmmm.