Trust in You

my thesis is not going well. not going well at all. so far, there're 36 replies, but according to my stats lecturer, i need abt 50-60 to do a barely convincing study. but now, there are no other places that allow me to send the survey forms to parents, so i'm basically stuck. been trying to email ppl and places, and there are so many things to amend, so many things to reapply for etc, before i can even send the surveys out to parents. the worse thing is TIME. there is no TIME. i'm supposed to finish my data collection already, start analysing and writing in February, let my supervisor vet in March, then submit in 1st week of April. Yep, 1st week of April is the deadline. I AM SO DEAD LOR. if i wanna go to more places to get more parents to do my survey, then i need Feb to do so. that means there is no time to write and let my sup vet. i won't make it for the april deadline!! stupid me should have asked for a longer deadline when i applied for it in Dec! urgh. i didn't expect that there'll be so few responses so didn't factor in extra time to do data collection. thought more responses will flow in during December, but apparently not!

i was really devastated after my meeting with the stats lecturer leh. she said there's basically no way out except to get more replies. actually, i need about 100, but 50-60 still passable. then i told her i only have 36.. and she couldn't believe it. looking at my desperate face, she said, 'well.... at least try and get 40 lah'. i cried for a while after the meeting, thankfully my two friends were around to comfort and reassure me. one of them said, 'just try..and pray'. yep, i know. I need to pray.

i dun actually feel as bad as i thought i would. surprisingly, i dun feel that it's the end of the world. I look at my situation, and i acknowledge that it's bleak now la. i mean, i may really end up having to write my thesis with only 36 surveys, hand it in, then wait for them to throw back to me and say 'cannot make it!'. then i may not finish my masters as expected, or may fail the course, and have to pay back my company for the course fees etc etc. but if it really does happen, unpleasant as it is and as unwilling as i am for this to happen, it really isn't the end of the world la. I know God is still in charge, and if this is something i have to go through, then i have to go through. i'm really learning to let go of my anxiety and exchanging it for God's peace. it's not easy! bee says i'm strong, but actually i'm not. i'm still super scared and super worried, but i'm just choosing to keep things in perspective. i'm choosing to let God be God.

the anxiety still haunts me at night and creeps up on e unexpectedly. things are still not going well (not like i decide to trust God and the surveys instantly appear or the places suddenly say yes). but i guess i'm learning to let things go and learning to rely on God's promises. so this shall be my theme song for this period - Trust in You. hope you'll take some time to listen to its lyrics too. (note: i couldn't find any nice videos of the song, this is the best one, although the pics are not totally appropriate for my situation.)