s.t.r.e.s.s.

words cannot express the immensity of stress tat i'm experiencing this month. especially with my most-feared presentation this week. preparing for this presentation really made me realise how much i don't know.. i mean, i've always known that i dunno much, but this time, i tink it's to the point where i'm not sure if i really know anything at all already. and i keep imagining that 'therapist V' will be grilling me with questions tat i can't answer, and attacking me like nobody's business. i really hate to feel stupid, incompetent and useless. really. on top of the presentation, there're 4 assignments to hand up in these 2 weeks, 2 of which are huge and difficult and i haven't touched them much! it really feels like i'm gonna buckle under the pressure anytime.

but i noe, i need to hang in there. Hebrews 13:6 says "We say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'" Indeed, wat can man do to me? wat can therapist V and the rest of the seniors do to me? i know i'm gonna walk out of that presentation in one piece, thankful that my God had put the right words in my mouth at the right time, grateful that His peace is with me, and that my confidence has stemmed from him. If He opens the door for this course, i know He will walk me through.

a few of my classmates are toyin with the idea of defering some parts of the course so that they have more time to complete it. this course is seriously ridiculously tough. whoever thinks that it muz be easy cos it's not a famous uni is really wrong. i have never been so stressed and busy and feeling-so-stupid all my life. The worst thing is, i don't know what i'm doing in the course!! do i really want to be a clinical psychologist? Will i really like the work? I'm really not sure. the work of a clin psych is so different from what i had expected in the first place. there's really alot of uncertainty involved, and i'm not sure why i have to go thru all this stress for something that i'm not convinced about.

But i know i must go on. I know i must trust that something good will come out of it. I trust that if my God opened this door for me, and provided ALL that i need to go through with the course, there must be a purpose, He must have prepared my future for me already. He's not going to leave me to struggle on my own and laugh at how stupid i am, no, my God is nothing like that. He's my Abba Father, my dearest Father who loves me as if I were the only person He's gonna ever love. My God is good, and I trust in Him. I trust You Lord, I really do. Help me overcome those doubts and stress, help me fix my eyes on You. it's really so hard to see when my eyes are on me. Lift my eyes to see Your banner of hope. strength and victory. Amen.